i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
