I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
