i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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