I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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