His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
