So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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