I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
