you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize