My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
