I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
