I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
