we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
