"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
