I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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