btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
