I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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