Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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