If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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