i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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