I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
