So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
