and i looked up. we had an audience...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
