So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
