So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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