she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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