I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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