It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
