Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize