I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
