Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
