I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
