The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
