i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
