I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
