oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
