Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
