ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
