We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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