I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
