turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
