I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well you can't waste a boner
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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