i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
