Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
