I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
