Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
