i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
