Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
