ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
