her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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