i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
