I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
