my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
