So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
