you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
