Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
