I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
