I cannot find my penis.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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