he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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