I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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