I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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