you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
