Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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