how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
