dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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