On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
