it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I puked a lego.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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