Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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