I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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