I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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