After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
